The world and humans for students and their parents


From the book by Andrey Sokolov and Tatiana Sokolova "The world and humans for students and their parents".


For many people, negative emotions are the opposite of happiness. I really want to eliminate them so that "everything is fine."

And we often hear: "Stop crying!", "Your anger, sadness makes me sad," etc.

For many, being whiny (in reality, sensitive, sensitive to pain) is a bad trait, akin to a bad habit. It is much preferable for the child to be firm (tough, unfeeling, unemotional and unempathetic).

It's funny that while many people watch films that evoke strong negative emotions (tears, fear, sadness), but in real life they avoid the same feelings, calling them negative, wanting to get rid of them as if they were torn things.

What happens when we suppress or forbid negative emotions?

We encapsulate them. We keep it inside ourselves in a certain box. In reserve. We close our eyes to the problem and begin to mercilessly lie to ourselves and those around us: "I'm fine!" Smoothing corners and conflicts to create the appearance of an ideal world. In the event of another conflict, we silently swallow the situation, like a bone that stands somewhere across the throat and prevents us from living normally. And the number of bones will more all the time.

There are more and more cells with unlived pain. They look like barrels of gunpowder. At some point, the number becomes critical. An explosion like a volcanic eruption is inevitable. We are labeled "psycho", we suffer from broken relationships, we are in endless depression.

In order to prevent this from happening, you need to learn how to safely experience your negative emotions at the moment when they arise or a little later, but not leaving "for later." Tears, conversation, meditation, and the "white screen technique" are all good for experience.

Don't take negative feelings as personal.

Emotion (rage, anger) is not you.

It is simply a condition, like temperature, that indicates a problem.

Treat a negative emotion like an alarm clock that signals a problem, indicates a direction to move on.

In a conflict situation, feelings interfere with making an adequate decision. Therefore, you need to step back, take a break, calm down, then look at everything with a sober, not clouded head. Throw in a small list of possible solutions, choose the best and act.