People are different
From the book by Andrey Sokolov and Tatiana Sokolova "The world and humans for students and their parents".
People are different.
All people are different. And if you want to learn how to effectively communicate with different people, you want to be understood by others, to achieve your goals together, then it is useful to know what kind of people there are.
We have chosen several options for classifications that, in our opinion, are most suitable for understanding other people.
Of course, each person has both. And it is better to consider any classification not from the position of opposites, like a swing, plus and minus, day and night, but to imagine a certain coordinate system or a circle, like a target.
A person who has a pronounced feature will be closer to the edge, and a person who has this feature is less pronounced will stand a little closer to the center.
If a person is "universal", then he will be "located" in the center of coordinates.
The skills of people in such a coordinate system can be compared with the knowledge of foreign languages.
A person who can only speak one language to others, who understands only one language, will be on the edge. A person who can speak and understand several languages will be closer to the center. And the polyglot who speaks all languages will be in the center.
And the first classification, which we want to talk about, is just about language. Which words we hear better, which ones are worse, which we understand, and which ones do not, even if we are talking about our native language.
In this case, we are talking about the language in which we understand and cognize this world.
Perhaps you have met people who, when talking to you, all the time use verbs such as: let's see, imagine. For example, they may say, "Imagine that you are in the jungle" or "Let's see if I can do it," or sitting down at the table, instead of "try", he says "let's see if this is delicious dinner". Well, how can you look at the taste ?! Nevertheless, this person and people like him, everything is perfectly clear. These people see everything. They can easily remember something as a picture, see a picture of the future or the past.
Such people are called visuals and the main way of knowing the world for them is visual. It is completely useless for the visual human to say "listen to me." He just won't understand what you ask him. But if you say “look here,” and then start telling something, without showing anything to the visual, then he will be attentive.
But if you say “look” to a person who uses “sound” verbs in his speech: listen, hear, then your phrase “look here” will fly past his ears. This person is an audial. He perceives this world through hearing. He hears this world. If you show him the drawing and say - "listen how great it sounds", then the audial will understand you better and faster than if you urge him to "look at this brilliant scheme."
And if a person tells you about how warm and gentle people he met yesterday, how comfortable and pleasant he was, then you have met a kinesthetic. And instead of appealing to his sight with a call to "look" or to hearing, a request to "listen", it is better to invite him to "feel." And even if it is the phrase “feel what a wonderful table it is” or “you feel what a wonderful music”, he will understand you much better than if you urge him to look at the table and hear the music. Because this person is kinesthetic - he studies this world by touch, taste, smell.
If you want to explain the kinesthetics of music, then invite him to feel the heaviness of the bass notes and the lightness of the trills. And if you explain music to the visual, then invite him to imagine a picture, see a spring forest or a gloomy cave.
If you want to explain to the audial the beauty of architecture, then invite him to hear the building. Hear how the orchestra of columns, windows and doors sounds. How the rumble of a construction site turned into a rhythmic accompaniment of floors, a polyphony of bas-reliefs and mosaics, a melody of roofs and flights of stairs.
People differ not only in how they perceive and experience this world, but also in how they act in this world. By behavior in society.
There are, for example, controllers. They can easily make a plan and execute it clearly. They easily come up with new ideas and projects. For these people, the result is important. They will not play football in order to enjoy the process of the game, to run or pass, but to score a goal, many goals, to win. The controller is the team captain.
Sometimes it can be hard with the controllers. They are demanding of themselves and of other people. They are responsible, but demand the same from others. They can begin to command and go to conflict in order to achieve the goal. Supervisors often lack empathy, the ability to empathize with others and their team members. But at the same time, no one can lead the team to victory better than them.
However, there may be other people on the team. For example, motors.
Motors are easy-going people. They joyfully rush after the controller, not thinking where the controller is calling them and, for the sake of a new process, abandoning the business that they were busy with before. Motors are easily addicted to new ones. And they easily give up what they started. It is difficult for them to complete any business. It is not the result of the activity that is important to them, but the process. They will play football not for goals, but because it is reckless, fun and emotional. They, of course, may be upset about a missed ball, but they will be happy that they were able to run and play.
The motors have a lot of ideas too. Maybe even more than the controllers. After all, the controller will ruthlessly reject ideas that he cannot bring to the end. The motor doesn't care. After all, he is not going to finish it. It is not the result that is more important to him, but the activity itself.
If the controller makes a decision, then he will bring it to the end, despite the fatigue, laziness or boredom, and in any process such moments happen. The motor, at the first signs of routine and boredom, will switch to another process, in which it can find vivid emotions. The motors, of course, need a brake, otherwise their powerful, unbraked racing car can take them into some pretty nasty and dangerous places.
In addition to motors and controllers, the team may include people from the support group. And it will not necessarily be girls who run out onto the field in short skirts during the breaks of a football match. Support are people whose purpose is to help others in their endeavors or problems. It is difficult for such people to decide on something themselves, it is difficult to come up with their own idea. They can go and help controllers or motors. They know how to empathize, listen, regret. Such people can become irreplaceable and reliable helpers. And at the same time, they themselves need help so that they can take their own step.
Another group of people is called analyzers. Just like support, it is difficult for them to make their own decision, but not because they are afraid of offending someone or expect approval from others, as "support", but because they simultaneously calculate in their head millions of options for the development of events. They calculate as soberly and clearly as the controller, they notice a lot that the controller cannot notice, but at the same time they cannot choose the path along which they should go. Analyzers are ideal thinkers.
The most interesting thing is that any person can take all their strengths from the controller, motor, support and analyzer and minimize the weak ones. And turn into a pretty universal personality.
Imagine the letter X. It has a crosshair - a center and four vertices.
Controllers will be located at the top left of the X, motors at the top right, analyzers at the bottom left, and support at the bottom right.
What does it take for a controller to be a generalist, to master all the skills to move to the center? He needs to move along his line of the letter X towards support.
After all, the controller lacks just empathy - the ability to empathize and help others. He is too absorbed in his ideas and deeds.
Moving towards support, he will retain all his best qualities, but at the same time he will get closer to the wisdom of the analyzer, gain lightness and energy of motors, learn to take care of his loved ones and his team in the same way as support can do. And he will become a universal person.
The same will happen with the motor if it starts moving towards the analyzer. There is no better brake than a good, detailed and comprehensive analysis. And at the same time, the motor will learn to control its impulses and become more attentive to other people and their feelings.
Support, moving towards the controller, will gain greater independence, learn to think independently and decisively.
The analyzer, moving towards the motor, will gain lightness and confidence, learn to act and receive energy to implement the plan.
Another variant of the "classification of people", which is useful to know in order to understand how to communicate with whom and from whom what can be expected, is the accentuation of personalities.
These features were initially discovered by psychiatrists in different people, therefore they called them a little offensive words for non-specialists. But let's not quarrel with scientists over names. These names have nothing to do with mental illness. The essence is important, not the wrapper.
In addition, it must be remembered that in any person, to one degree or another, every type of personality is present, as well as every type of perception of the world or social behavior. Each person occupies some space on the chart of personality types, capturing both. A does not remain a point at the end of the coordinate axis.
The first type of personality that we will analyze is called a hysteroid.
The purpose of this person is to attract attention to himself. A bright and colorful outfit, a cry, defiant behavior. And it does not necessarily have a negative connotation. People who find it easy to go on stage in front of an audience have significant hysterical potential. It's a pleasure for them to perform in public. Soloing is a dream.
If hysterics did not exist, then we would not have entertainment in the form of concerts, films or plays. Hysteroids bring bright colors to this world, but at the same time they are quite indifferent to other people. For the sake of their glory, they can easily manipulate and sacrifice other people.
"You don't need a knife for a braggart, you will sing a little to him and do with him what you like," Bulat Okudzhava sang about people with a hysterical personality type.
And what matters for us is not whether the hysteroid is good or bad or someone else, but how you can effectively communicate with him and what can be expected from him.
To achieve effectiveness from a hysteroid, you can use praise. And you can expect and fear betrayal from him. With this in mind, you can save yourself from such negative effects.
Another personality type is an epileptoid.
If you know a military or police officer, then you can generally imagine an epileptoid personality type. It is a type of rules, traditions, orders and order. Like the hysteroid, the epileptoid lacks empathy, the ability to empathize with other people. At the same time, if the epileptoid is a military man, policeman or lawyer and he is entrusted with protecting someone, then he will most likely cope with it well. True, it is unlikely that he will have warm feelings for anyone.
In case of violation of the rules and procedures that the epileptoid serves, he can easily fall into anger and be aggressive.
Therefore, the most effective way to interact with such people is to define clear rules and follow them exactly. No improvisation - it infuriates epileptoids.
If the epileptoid made a promise, then he will certainly fulfill it. At the same time, if your relationship is going wrong, try to stay away from epileptoid aggression.
The next psychotype is paranoid.
He has very high energy and very low empathy. He is able to achieve fantastic goals, without noticing that he is going over other people's heads.
If you do one common thing with such a person, then you will be successful, although you will have to sweat a lot. But if you accidentally found yourself on the path of the paranoid type, then expect a collision with a train. Or just get out of his way.
The emotive type is the exact opposite of the paranoid.
Empathy and empathy for other people are the main traits of this personality type. This is Dr. Aibolit. It is easy to communicate with them, because this communication is devoid of the risk of betrayal or aggression. But at the same time, their propensity for empathy is easy to manipulate, if "beat on pity." And in some cases this leads to the fact that the emotive personality begins to torn apart, depriving guardianship of the one who really needs it in favor of manipulators parasitizing on his pity.
The hyperteme personality type is somewhat similar to hysterics in their energy and readiness to be in the spotlight. This is the "soul of the company" it is easy and pleasant to relax with him and virtually impossible to work with. Empathy is bad for hyperthymes. They are as cold as epileptoids or hysterics. But at the same time, they are very resourceful and charming. And sometimes they turn into dexterous manipulators and swindlers. Trusting them with secrets and values is not worth it. But to have a party - please.
If you've watched the movie "Back to the Future" or some other movie about an obsessed scientist or inventor, then you can imagine what a schizoid looks like. And here it is important to make one amendment. If you have imagined some villainous inventor whose goal is to conquer the world, then you are wrong. Conquering the world is a paranoid type of goal. The goal of the schizoid is truth. His task is to get to the bottom of it. Schizoids perfectly analyze huge volumes of information, see causes and effects and are able to find elegant non-standard solutions.
It is foolish to fear betrayal, manipulation or fraud on the part of a schizoid. He sees no point in such actions. After all, this is just a lie, and the highest goal for a schizoid is to comprehend the truth, i.e. get to the bottom of the truth.
With empathy, schizoids are also all right, if, of course, they can notice another person from their table, littered with test tubes, books, anatomical preparations and microcircuits.
Actually, almost all inventions that we use, from wheels and chairs to spacecraft and smartphones, are the result of the work of schizoids.
Schizoids, like emotives, are completely safe in communication, if, of course, they want to communicate with you. After all, you are just a drop in the vast sea of this world, which they are constantly exploring.
Anxious and suspicious personality type resembles an epileptoid with the opposite sign. And if the epileptoid “rushing like a locomotive” ignoring the obstacles, then the anxious-suspicious type cautiously bends around all obstacles, is afraid of any shadow and therefore often gets lost on the road. The anxious-suspicious type is able to achieve the goals set, although a huge amount of his strength is spent on curbing his fears and anxieties. But it is his anxiety that allows him to feel the moods and pain of other people. And if you do not harm others, then you should not be afraid of anxious and suspicious individuals.
In addition to the above, there is also a depressive-sad personality type. You may have met such people. And did not notice. Because they are very difficult to spot. They are very quiet and prefer solitude over communication. And if they, like schizoids, are comfortable with themselves, then, probably, they should not bother them.
And perhaps one of the most common personality types is the conformal type. For people of this type, it is important to agree and "be like everyone else." They do not have any meaningful goals and interests of their own. They completely coincide with their immediate environment. They will never go into conflict with the leader or the majority. If their surroundings eat barbecue and drink vodka, they will do the same. But if they find themselves among sober vegetarians the next day, they will become vegetarians without any stress.
They dress the same way as most people they know dress, listen to the same music. Being “like everyone else” is their precept. "Think like everyone else, do like everyone else, have what everyone has." If there are excellent students around, they will study well. If there are hooligans around, they will commit crimes. They copy other people's values and demeanor without the slightest criticism and analysis.
At the same time, they are friendly and efficient within their team. By copying the behavior of the people around them, and especially the leaders, they are capable of both meanness and good deeds, depending on who they copy. Their problem is that by imitating the behavior and thoughts of other people, they lose themselves and the ability to distinguish between good and evil.
Is personality type a life sentence? Yes and no. “Yes,” because many personality traits are related to how the brain, hormones, neurotransmitters function. “No,” because just like the conformal type, our nervous and hormonal regulation reacts to the environment. And if, for example, you place a paranoid personality in a collective of emotives, for example, to volunteers or to a charitable foundation, then the paranoid will become more sensitive to the feelings of other people without losing his strengths. And this will benefit the common charitable cause.
But there is no need to look for an "external" environment capable of influencing the psychotype. You can create it yourself.
Just like flipping through an imaginary photo album, you can change your perception of the past, in the same way you can change the future by copying the strengths of the psychotype you like. See what books he reads, what films he watches, what clubs and sections he visits. Copy the essence of his actions. You do not need to be like a schizoid friend who is keen on physics, if your soul does not lie in physics. But you can copy the principles by which he lives by reading books on biology and attending a circle of young naturalists.
If you liked some aspects of hypertimer, then look at what keeps the charm of the "soul" of your company. It may turn out that in order to become the "soul of the company" it is quite enough to learn how to play the guitar and sing songs.
All in your hands. Nature has created a person with the most adaptable and customizable capabilities. Therefore, it is no coincidence that humanity has settled across the globe and has adapted to survive in a variety of conditions.
People can even manage their energy, according to which they can be divided into extroverts and introverts.
The difference between these types is that the extrovert to be fed by the energy of others. He needs company, society. He does not tolerate loneliness.
An introvert, on the contrary, is “recharged” from loneliness, but loses his energy when he gets into a company.
But even this rule does not always work.
There are quite a few introverts among public people, such as musicians. They just learned to recharge from the energy of the audience.
And even if you were born an introvert, but want to learn some of the characteristics of extroverts, become good at something that your environment needs. Dancing, playing the guitar, telling fascinating stories. And the energy of listeners and viewers will start feeding you just like an extrovert.
And if an extrovert wants to learn the concentration and thoughtfulness of an introvert, wants to learn how to get energy from emptiness, then he should accustom himself to be not in the company of people, but in the company of books, films and lectures.
In addition to all of the above and a lot more that we did not talk about here, there are special languages that people use when communicating - these are the languages of love.
And these languages are not always related to romance and intimate relationships. Love languages are languages in which people communicate to others how they feel about them. And it is in these languages that people understand how you feel about them.
And if your love language does not coincide with their language, then you can prove your affection, respect, sympathy or love in your language as much as you like, but they will not understand you, as if you are trying to explain something important to the people of Spain in Japanese. All your efforts will be in vain.
And therefore, it is important to understand what language the other person speaks and to answer him in his language.
The problem is that most people themselves don't know what love language they speak. And it also happens that they speak one language, but they know how to understand (listen) in a completely different one.
Let's try to figure it out.
There are five languages of love. And it is better to know and be able to communicate in all these languages so that your relationships with others are successful. So it's time to become polyglots.
The first language of love is words.
People who are sensitive to this language are very sensitive to the words that you say to them.
Praise them. And they will bloom. Say something that has the slightest negative connotation and they will wither.
A person who perceives the language of love "words" may not notice and very coldly meet your gift, will be indifferent to the days and hours spent together or to the dishes you washed, but will be very glad to hear from you "you look gorgeous today", "what delicious soup ", " great hairstyle ", " you're so great! "
Just remember to be honest. People feel false. And if the hairstyle is actually not very good, then find something else that is worthy of praise. There is always something to praise the other person for.
If you hear the remarks “you won’t get a kind word from you”, “you never say thank you,” then you can almost be sure that the language of this person's love is words.
You can learn this language by listening to the kind words used by the heroes of books and films, the people around you.
The second love language is time.
If the people of the “love language” want you to give them your kind words and praise, then the “people of the time” want to receive from you the time spent together as a gift. Friendly conversations are important for such people, it is important that they are listened to. They want to share their experiences with you. Listen to them compassionately and without interrupting. And you will give them a gift in their love language.
While communicating with the "man of time" turn away from the computer and put aside your smartphone. Give him your whole time. All these 5-10 or 30 minutes of communication and listening.
You can also donate your time to this person by sharing his hobbies with him. Go to a concert, exhibition or sports competition that interests him.
Help is another love language.
Remember. Perhaps your parents often asked you to help them and were even offended that you ignored their requests. Perhaps their love language is help.
If so, take out the trash can, sweep the floor, do the dishes, go to the store for bread, or iron your shirts. This is how you learn the language of love - help.
The fourth love language is gifts.
It is the first and only language that requires material costs. Although not always.
People who speak the language of gifts will be happy to receive from you a homemade postcard, a picture, or a trinket.
A bouquet of wild flowers and a handful of wild berries can be a gift.
In a gift, it is not the cost that is important, but the attention. It is important that when preparing your gift, you thought about the person to whom you are giving it. A person who speaks to this world in the language of “gifts” understands this well.
The fifth love language is touch.
You have to be very careful with this language. This language is suitable for lovers, but is not suitable for communication in a group or a team.
The fact is that each person has an idea and a sense of their personal space. And when you invade him, for example, getting too close, your actions may not be perceived as love or respect, but as aggression.
At the same time, if you see that a person is inclined to hug, shake hands for a long time and kiss everyone on the cheek, perhaps his “touch” love language. And if he opens his arms to meet you, then you can go to meet him and give him your hugs. However, control their strength. People whose language of "touch" is very sensitive and too strong hugs can be perceived as rude. But these people might be very happy if you walk with them, just holding each other's hand.