The world and humans for students and their parents

Grief and sorrow

From the book by Andrey Sokolov and Tatiana Sokolova "The world and humans for students and their parents".

Grief and sorrow.

Failures, mistakes, troubles, catastrophes occur in the life of every person. A person experiences sadness, pain, grieves.

Grief when someone close to you is sick or dead. Or a favorite pet. Or something unfair has happened.

There are many reasons why a person can be upset. And that's okay. It is impossible to constantly be in a cheerful and joyful mood. It is impossible to always jump. At least in order to take a break from the races and lie down to sleep.

Sad news and events will keep cropping up. A person can influence their number, but cannot completely eliminate them. If only because people are mortal.

Therefore, it is important to learn to anticipate unfavorable developments in order to reduce the amount of grief and sadness in your life. It is also very important to learn how to cope with these negative emotions, which by themselves can cause even greater problems, turning into depression and illness.

Many sad and woeful events are easy to foresee and prevent.

For example, do your homework and prepare for a test to get a good grade. Tidy up the room and take care of loved ones to get praise, not remark. Exercise and eat an apple or tomato instead of candy so that your health remains strong and you do not have to grieve about the illness.

When planning a day, meeting, communication, try to look into the future and understand which words, topics, actions can lead to conflict, and which to cooperation.

All of these will help reduce the amount of sadness and grief in your life. But, alas, it will not be possible to avoid all the sorrows. Therefore, it is extremely important to learn how to cope with the negative influences that can occur in life.

There are many different ways to do this. We will tell only about some of the most universal ones.

The first method is called distance.

Imagine an abstract painful situation. Or even remember an example from your life - a quarrel, conflict, sad event. Something that you grieve, grieve, and worry about.

And imagine that this is a movie. That you are watching the video of this event on the TV screen, sitting on a cozy sofa. Or in the armchair of the cinema, looking at the screen where the things that upset you are happening.

If it didn't work out and you continue to see yourself inside the screen, just take a step, exit this screen. You can take this step literally. Take a step back, two, three steps from the screen, from the picture that you remembered.

If the sound bothers you, if it is the sound that hurts, then just change it. Make it quieter (or louder), change the timbre and amplitude. Yes, in the end, just change - these are your memories and you can do whatever you want with them in your head.

If you feel chilly or hot from the memory, turn on an imaginary air conditioner or heat gun - feel the temperature change.

Different types of memories help different people. The main thing is to reduce the intensity of the pain. After all, the pain in your arm from the injury prevents you from waving your arms. And the pain of a sad memory in your soul can generally paralyze your will and prevent you from living a happy life.

An often negative and upsetting memory is "public opinion" - the feedback you get from other people. If these reviews give you pain, then you need to do the same with them - move away, distance yourself, change the sound. Replace sound. Let the same turn into rap, romance or pop. Let the pleasant music drown out the unpleasant responses that sound in your head.

Remember how Ron, Hermione and Harry Potter pacified the boggart, turning the monster into something funny?

So this magic is quite accessible to you. This is one of the many psychological techniques used in neuro-linguistic programming to help people get rid of fear or pain.

Turn negative public opinion into a parody in your head. Put a clownish hat on your boggart and give it a red nose. Let him squeak his words in a thin voice. And then what you just upset can become just ridiculous.

Another way to reduce the intensity of painful memories is conventionally called "photo album". Its essence is that you start flipping through an imaginary photo album of your life. Or watch a movie about your life. In reverse order. First, you watch a photo or a clip about yesterday, then about the day before yesterday, then a photo or a fragment of a film made a month ago, a year, five years. Etc. Your task, flipping through a photo album or watching a movie, gradually come to a photograph or a fragment that causes pain. And change it. Re-shoot. You are free to do whatever you want with your memories. Memories should help and empower you, not paralyze and hurt. So just change what you see in the photo or movie clip. Let the heroes remain the same, but they say and do something completely different - something that will delight you. If you want - add brightness and colors to the image, make it sharp and clear. Or vice versa - dull, blurry and black and white. Add or subtract sound, put in the lips of the characters those words that you will be pleased to hear.

Imagine you have a mixing console or a large stereo system with a lot of knobs, sliders, knobs and all kinds of settings. And as soon as you turn one of the knobs, your picture will become brighter or dimmer, louder or quieter, it will breathe cold or warmth from it. This is your remote control and the number of options for its settings is endless. Customize what you want - it's your memories, your brain and your life. So customize your life. Take her pain away.

This is a very effective method, but it requires a little training and some time that you may not have at this moment.

In order to tune your brain and nervous system to positive emotions quickly, two very simple techniques will do, which take a few seconds to complete, which can be done at any time - putting on a coat, washing your hands, looking out the window, folding a textbook into a bag.

May your past successes, successes and achievements always work for you.

Many people have bad memories all the time. Your bad deeds and failures, or how others have offended you. They seem to be combing the old wound, preventing it from healing. And, of course, nothing good happens in their lives. A combed wound begins to fester and does not heal.

But you can use your memories more productively. Remember the good. At every opportunity. Remember when falling asleep and waking up. Remember when you eat breakfast and on your way to school. Remember at breaks and just like that.

Everyone has positive, joyful, good memories. It can be a good mark, a well-drawn picture, a goal scored, a cooked dinner. The important thing is not how great the joy is, not how great the accomplishment, but the fact that you were happy then, that you were able then, you did well then, you achieved success. Remember this. And enjoy yourself. Your achievements, your mind, your abilities and talents, your successes.

And smile. And this is another quick cloud dispersal technique.

You may not be able to disperse the clouds in the sky with your smile, but you can disperse them in your soul.

And this is a completely rigorous scientific method.

The fact is that in our body everything is interconnected: the brain, blood vessels, nerves, hormones, muscles, skin.

And just as you can cry from a bruise, you can get a charge of vivacity, energy, joy from a change in body position and a smile.

Therefore, if you felt sadness, if a sad event happened, but you need strength to move on, if you need to get additional energy before a difficult task or lesson, then:

Straighten your shoulders.

Lift your chin.

Do smile.

And in return, peace and luck will smile at you.